Has your relationship hit a plateau or is it in need of a spark? It’s not uncommon for most of us in long-term relationships to feel uninspired or stuck in some form of a relationship rut. Too many people mistakenly conclude that we will always feel the magical passion that exists at the beginning of a relationship and that no work is needed to maintain that passionate connection. However, nothing could be further from the truth!
All relationships need hard work to keep the passion alive.
Here are 7 tips to help rediscover the spark in your relationship:
First: Decide on the Level of Investment You Want to Make
I think it’s very important to take stock in how invested we are in our relationships and examine how much effort we are putting into them. Of course, it takes two people to determine relationship quality. Each partner’s actions make a big difference in how satisfied you both are. However, it’s easy to fall into the trap where you stop putting effort into your relationship because you believe that your partner isn’t putting forward any effort. As Gandhi says: “Be the change you wish to see…”
Second: Communicate
Have a frank talk with your partner about how connected you feel and what level of closeness is ideal. Make sure that your partner understands that you want to shake things up in order to improve the passion in the relationship. This also helps to ensure that you are both on board and are also in agreement that you’d like things to improve.
Third: Take Ownership of Your Part
Take responsibility for your own contribution to the less-than-ideal current state of affairs in your relationship. Ask yourself how your actions have kept things stagnant or perhaps have even somewhat damaged the relationship? Don’t ignore these realizations. Use them to begin making more positive choices to enhance the health of your relationship.
Fourth: Commit to Finding Gratitude
When we lose sight of the positive things in our relationships, our satisfaction level with our partners takes a dramatic hit. Far too often we overlook the positive things in life (including our relationships) and become hyper-focused on the negative. Take the time to appreciate the good things about your relationship and learn to experience an attitude of gratitude.
Fifth: Take Action
Instead of focusing on what’s missing look for opportunities to improve your relationship. For example, if you are noticing a lack of affection from your partner, take the initiative and be the one to express that affection. Don’t wait to show that you care!
Sixth: Old and New
To initially gain some positive momentum, initiate activities and experiences that you and your partner shared at the beginning (and during more passion-filled stages) of your relationship. Then, in order to build on this momentum, try to add new shared activities with your partner to create fresh experiences and memories together. This can increase relationship satisfaction and reignite the passion between the two of you. For instance, if you both have enjoyed hiking together, continue to go hiking. However, why not also try a new sport or activity together?
Seventh: Focus on the Little Things
The little things are those things you both did naturally at the beginning of your relationship but faded over time. One little act may not make that much of a big difference. But, over time, those little acts really do add up and make a significant difference in sparking the passion in your relationship. Here are a few examples:
- Write a loving note to your partner.
- Call/text your partner during the work day.
- Take every opportunity to thank or compliment your partner.
- Create an appreciation list for your partner.
These little things truly do add up and help create a feeling of closeness and intimacy.
Almost every couple in long-term relationships experiences plateaus. But it’s a mistake to think you have no power to change things for the better. Commit to following these simple steps discussed above, and you may be amazed at the progress you made in rekindling the passion and connection with your partner. Don’t wait another day to get that spark back!
