Many couples enjoy spending time with other couples. In fact, for many, spending time with two or more couples tends to make up most of their social engagement, particularly men. Stereotypically, unmarried or single males might socialize a little more, but not by much. Research shows that there are benefits for couples who socialize with other couples and create couples friendships.
Research into Couples Friendships
Geoffrey Greif and Kathleen Holtz have written about couples friendships and their benefits. In their book “Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships”, the authors interviewed couples regarding this topic. The participants were broken down into three groups:
- 123 couples who had both partners present for the interview
- 122 people who were individually asked questions regarding their relationships
- 58 divorced individuals
They found that when couples are in agreement with each other, they spend their time together, both as a couple and with other couples. Thus, they have a greater chance of experiencing a higher level of satisfaction in their relationships.
How Couples Find Each Other
It is important to point out that the benefits of socializing benefited both married and unmarried couples similarly. Indeed, couples who seek out and find friendships with other couples tend to have much happier relationships. How these friendships form can vary. Some prefer other couples with similar backgrounds. Others have similar activities and interests with which to connect.
These friendships start off with two people who get to know each other or are already friends. In heterosexual relationships, these tend to be the female partners. The friendship eventually expands to include both of the male partners as well. In fact, couples friendships may be the only time when the males actually socialize with other people outside of their own relationships.
The Benefits of Health Couples’ Friendships
Researchers have found that healthy friendships can benefit couples in several ways.
- Seeing your partner interact with another couple can give you a greater appreciation for your partner. This, in turn, increases your affection for each other and strengthens your relationship.
- Friendships allow couples to observe each other. Seeing a couple in a healthy relationship interact with one another can be a great role model for the other couple. When they handle situations that arise in a healthy way, it is a great learning experience for the other couple.
- Couples who observe others positively interacting with each other will become more open to accepting the influence of their partners. This can lead to greater relationship satisfaction.
The Secret to a Long Life
If the above reasons are not compelling enough, consider this thought. Research suggests that the most important predictor of longevity in life is what kind of social life you have. These are the social connections that you make with others– those that cause you to have a sense of belonging. This is a bigger predictor than even exercise. However, this doesn’t mean having a large number of friends guarantees a long life. Rather, it involves more what kind of a community you have: knowing your neighbors, talking to a barista at the coffee shop, having a conversation with the mailman, etc.
Couples friendships can have several benefits for each couple. They provide an opportunity for social connection. The friendships also are a chance for couples to learn from each other and to improve their own relationships. Finally, by creating these friendships, couples can increase not just their quality of life but increase their longevity as well. If you and your partner are struggling to find the right balance between being together and finding other similar couples, couples counseling can be a helpful solution.
