It’s mostly understood that couples have a lot of conflict around money and financial decisions. It is commonly accepted in the counseling world that financial disagreement is the top issue couples fight about the most. However, a new study about financial stress shows that worries and disagreements about money are not only damaging to relationships but are also harmful to a high percentage of Americans in general. Yet, there are solutions available for couples to prevent financial stress from overflowing into their relationship and causing conflict.
Financial Stress is Harmful
Three-quarters of respondents acknowledged that financial stress had created “negative experiences” for the study’s participants. Also, 39% have said that financial stress had physically impacted their health. Additionally, 35% said that financial stress had caused harm to their relationships.
Interestingly, in another survey of 2,000 adults, 24% of respondents said that they had lied to a new romantic partner about how much debt they were in. Clearly, financial stress does take a toll on our society. However, there has only been a small amount of research on the topic. Recently, researchers at the University of Georgia decided to focus on financial stress and couples. But this time, they decided to look at the problem from a different angle.
University of Georgia Research
In the University of Georgia study, researchers focused on how well financial therapy worked for couples. The study consisted of six couples who ranged in age between 21-76 years old. They started off by initially talking with both a therapist and financial planner about their goals for the future and their history with money.
Then, over the course of five weeks, the couples participated in three sessions a week. During this time, they shared their concerns over money and money management with the therapist and financial planner. At the end of the study, almost all of the couples said they realized the importance of improving their communication over financial issues. They were also open to the idea of seeing a financial planner too.
The study also showed that therapists and counselors do need some training in financial issues in order to better help their clients. Interestingly, it’s easier for therapists to gain some training in financial issues, than it is for financial planners to learn how to incorporate the skills of a therapist and couples counselor.
Tips to Help with Financial Disagreements
If you and your partner are struggling with financial disagreements, consider these tips.
1. Start early with talking about these issues, such as debt, financial priorities, and life goals.
2. Identify you and your partner’s basic financial personality. Are you a saver, spender, or risk taker?
3. Embrace learning and practicing communication skills and relationship tools. Without these, resolving any kind of conflict, let alone a financial conflict will be next to impossible to do.
4. Impose spending limits on yourselves. Decide up to what amount of money each partner can spend without needing approval from the other.
5. No secrets! In order to build and maintain trust with one another, have a no secrets policy. Be open with each other about spending.
6. Start to develop shared financial goals. Where do you see yourselves in 5, 10, or 20 years as a couple?
7. Utilize your resources. If you are stuck in a financial disagreement, get the advice of a skilled couple counselor and/or a financial expert for help.
Clearly, financial stress is harmful to both individuals and couples. It is well known that financial disagreements are the number one source of conflict in relationships. However, a mixture of couples therapy, financial counseling, the development of good money habits as a couple, (as well as learning and implementing helpful communication skills) are often needed to overcome these disagreements.
If you and your partner are still struggling over financial disagreements after trying out the above tips, don’t hesitate to seek out couples counseling and the appropriate professional help outlined above.
