Almost all relationships, after the beginning phase, end up establishing a rhythm for how they operate day-to-day. Patterns and rituals form which, over time, can contribute to a fading emotional connection. Relationships do have a natural ebb and flow when it comes to emotional connection and disconnection. But long-term disconnection can be very damaging, especially now during the pandemic.
Couples who end up staying together during this time often do so without experiencing a strong emotional bond. While there can be an apparent need to revitalize the relationship, many couples have not been able to do so even while spending a lot of time in quarantine together. However, couples who prioritize their relationship will be more successful at maintaining their emotional connection together. Here is a step-by-step guide to rescue your relationship and restore the connection.
Assess the Level of Emotional Intelligence for You & Your Partner
Accepting influence from your partner is an important part of emotional intelligence. However, men struggle more with accepting influence from their partners than do women. Nonetheless, men who do accept influence from their partners often are better at working with them and resolving disagreements. In fact, men who accept their wives’ influence have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who don’t accept influence.
Pay Attention to Unresolved Resentments and Conflicts
It’s not helpful in any relationship to ignore any lingering resentments and leave significant problems unresolved. Things just won’t go well. You can’t have a successful relationship when there are conflicts that remain open-ended or when one or both of you is holding on to resentments against each other. Work to resolve these issues and get professional help if needed for additional support.
Commit to Spending 10-15 Minutes Together Each Day
This time is meant to be 100% dedicated to one another. Consider it as “protected time.” This means more than just blocking this time into your schedule (although that helps with sticking to it). It means being protective of the relationship and focused on being committed and curious with one another in order to build emotional closeness. Commit to doing this every day in order to establish a routine.
Build More Love Maps
The Gottmans have studied the characteristics of healthy relationships and how couples can stay connected. They refer to one of these factors as the act of building love maps. Love maps represent your partner’s wishes, dreams, thoughts, and desires. In their research, the Gottmans have found that emotionally intelligent couples happen to be more in tune with each other’s thoughts and feelings. Knowing one another’s love maps is a sign of a strong friendship and significantly improves emotional closeness with each other. You can build your love maps during your 10-15 minutes of daily “protected” time.
Here are some example questions to ask each other:
- What worries you the most about the future & current pandemic?
- What would an ideal retirement plan look like for you?
- What is your greatest life’s regret or disappointment?
- What would you change about our sex life?
- What career could you choose other than your current one?
- Which friend do you feel closest to?
Consider choosing a few of the above questions (or ask your own questions) to focus on during your protected time. Keep in mind that it’s okay if you don’t finish the conversation in one 10-15 minute sitting. You can always finish the following day.
Get Needed Help
It’s important to address the issues above in order to revitalize your relationship. But if you are stuck it can be hard to move forward. It’s important to not wait to get help. Research shows that couples wait way too long to get the help they need. To avoid this trap, reach out to a therapist in order to learn more about how counseling can help to resolve any lingering problems.
Couples can prioritize re-establishment of their emotional connection with one another by following the steps above. This includes dedicating 10-15 minutes a day of protective time so that you can focus on your partner. It can make a real difference and bring you both closer together. However, if you are stuck or struggling in any way, don’t hesitate to seek out couples counseling.
