There’s little question that the pandemic significantly impacted our lives and intimate relationships. No doubt, many of our sex lives have been impacted. At the beginning of the pandemic, quarantining felt more like a novelty. Being sequestered at home with our partners actually improved many couples’ sex lives. There was even some discussion about people having “COVID babies.” This was likely true for singles or those in less than committed relationships. Thus, it appears that, for at least the first month or two of the pandemic, our sex lives weren’t hampered at all. And, for some, the passion in our relationships only increased.
Research on the Pandemic and Our Sex Lives
After the novelty of quarantining and working at home wore off, did our sex lives begin to suffer?
There has been some research into this issue, but it is by no means comprehensive yet. One study conducted in China, for instance, found that people between the ages of 15-35 had fewer partnered sexual interactions. They also found that 22% of people in 2020 experienced a decrease in sexual desire. As much as 41% of people experienced decreased sexual intercourse. Also, people in relationships had less sex with their partners yet masturbation increased by 20%. Plus, there was a 23% increase in pornography use.
Another study from Italy examined how the sex lives of reproductive-aged women changed due to social distancing measures. Their results indicated that sexual intercourse frequency suffered due to COVID. Sexual intercourse declined from 6.3 times per month (before social distancing measures were put in place) to 2.3 times per month afterward. That was a net decrease of approximately 4 times per month.
A survey conducted online in the U.S. hoped to determine how relationship conflict negatively sexual activity for people 18-94 years old. Thirty-four percent of the respondents indicated that the pandemic caused some type of relationship conflict involving COVID restrictions. Compared to those who did not report conflict, those who did engaged in less affection and sexual interaction with their partners.
All of these studies do indicate that, ultimately, our sex lives have been negatively impacted during the pandemic. The stress caused by the pandemic not only affected relationships, but also our sexual intimacy. Self-isolating behaviors have had the effect of throwing a wet blanket on our libidos. At first, lockdown provided a way to be closer to our partners. But the novelty soon wore off. While many couples were home, working one room away from one another, the variety of life ended. When we have few new experiences to share with our partners, life can feel like Groundhog’s Day. So, what can couples do to reignite the passion that they once felt?
Tips to Ignite the Passion
Here are four tips for couples to bring back the spark in their relationships:
- Put your own mask on first!
Start by attending to your own daily stress. Significant stress and anxiety all but eliminates any interest in sex. Try to improve how you cope with stress by taking time for yourself. This can include starting a new hobby, exercise routine, regular phone calls with friends, or even taking a bath.
- Spend at least 10-15 minutes of dedicated time each day with your partner.
This should be a distraction-free time. Try to be curious fully understand your partner’s feelings and perspective.
- Start 1 new thing.
Research showed that engaging in a new activity together can re-ignite the passion you had at the beginning of your relationship. Take on a new hobby, interest, or project together. You can even start your own mini-book club.
- Use Available Resources.
If you and your partner are stuck and are not getting back on track with your sex lives, don’t wait to start couples counseling.
It’s important to note that there still needs to be much more research into how the pandemic has affected our relationships, including our sex lives. However, if you and your partner are struggling to get your sex life back on track, there’s of course no need to wait for the results of those studies. Try the tips listed above and if you still are struggling, get the needed professional support.
