It’s been repeated many times that we humans are social creatures and that we enjoy and even thrive when in other people’s company. This was confirmed by one of the longest studies that Harvard has conducted on human relationships. The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1938 and tracked 724 men every year for 79 years. The researchers examined the data collected to determine which factors led to individuals having happy and healthy lives. Dr. Robert Waldinger, the lead researcher of the study, summarized the main result of this work by saying: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.”
There are three main takeaways from this study, which, by the way, is still ongoing after all these years.
1. Social Connection is Really Healthy for Us
Not surprisingly, the researchers confirmed that social connections are important for all humans. This is something already well known about our species. However, more surprising was the finding that social isolation is just as deadly as having any other kind of serious disease (like cancer or heart disease). That means even if you protect your health by not smoking, eating a healthy diet, and exercising, the lack of positive relationships in your life will still negatively impact your health. Thus, it may not be the best idea to stay cooped up in your home watching TV or surfing the internet. Rather, getting out and connecting with other people in real life can make a positive impact on your health.
2. The Quality of the Relationships Matter
Another result of the study was that the quality of our relationships also matters. In fact, the quality of your relationships is more important than the quantity of relationships. This means it doesn’t matter how many “friends” you have, either on social media or even in real life. Rather, what matters is whether those relationships are meaningful and include a genuine connection with others that makes the real difference.
One other factor for quality relationships included marriages. Interestingly, being in a marriage that is plagued by conflict is actually worse for your health than if you were single.
Waldinger states, “It turns out living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.” He also stated,“High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.” This is something to seriously consider if you believe that you are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship. It may be that your relationship could be damaging your health.
3. Quality Relationships and Brain Health
The third conclusion from Waldinger’s work is also very surprising. The research discovered that quality relationships actually protect your brain. More specifically, when people knew that they could count on their partner to support them, these individuals had a sharper memory.
This is in contrast to those who could not rely on their partner. These people saw their memory decline over time. Thus, this study supports the exiting research noting a connection between the mind and the body. Furthermore, that mind-body connection helps keep you functioning at a higher level as you age when you have quality relationships in your life.
In conclusion, this research strengthens the existing knowledge that quality relationships are not just good for you mentally and physically, but also for your memory as well. Quality relationships include a sense of belonging, acceptance, understanding, and affection with your partner. If you are struggling with developing quality relationships of any kind don’t hesitate to seek out couples counseling. Competent relationship therapy can help improve the quality of all of your relationships.
