Recent research has shown that the millennial generation is marrying at a later age, dating less, and even having less sex than previous generations. Some have been critical of this trend. They argue that millennials, who have been caught up in a digital age and raised by helicopter parents, have less authentic and genuine connections in relationships.
Critics also say that millennials are more isolated socially, which could explain why they’re having less sex and marrying at an older age. However, one might ask: is it possible that millennials may be taking a healthier path to love without actually knowing it?
Marrying at an Older Age
According to research, people are marrying later in life. In 2008, the average age to marry was 29.8 years for men. Women, on average, were tying the knot around one year younger than men at 27.8 years old. Yet these ages are five years older than the average marrying age in 1980.
In fact, the amount of time a couple spends in courtship leading to marriage has increased 6.5 years. In addition, millennials in their 20s are not having sex as much as previous generations.
“Slow Love” and the Millennial Generation
Dr. Hellen Fisher of the Kinsey Institute, believes these trends are not necessarily a bad thing. Millennials may benefit from what she’s called “slow love.” This is when couples spend more time in the dating/courtship stage of a relationship before making a commitment to one another, such as marriage.
She says that the pattern of having less sex and longer courtships are occurring because millennials value committed relationships more. In her research, she studied data that measured trends in dating and marriage from 30,000 people. She found that those who dated for at least 3 years were more than 30% less likely to divorce than those who married after a shorter courtship. Dr. Fisher states, “With slow love, maybe by the time people walk down the aisle they know who they’ve got, and they think they can keep who they’ve got.”
The “Sex Interview”
However, whether these millennial tendencies are the result of a desire to have a stronger commitment to one another is unclear. Regardless, these relationship trends do make a compelling case that they lead to healthier relationships in the long-term.
Interestingly, Fisher says that millennials are having what’s called a “sex interview” more often. This is where they have sex very early in the relationship. The idea is to determine whether or not they are sexually compatible. If the “interview” goes well for both partners, only then will the actual courtship begin.
While somewhat shocking to some, this may not necessarily be a negative trend. It allows millennials to establish early on whether they are compatible instead of possibly discovering incompatibility after a long courtship.
Dating Tips
1. Dr. Fisher’s research suggests that those in a dating relationship should learn as much about their potential partner as possible before committing to a time consuming and expensive courtship.
2. Early on, try to determine if you and your partner are compatible with one another in important areas. These should include at least financial, sexual, and personality compatibility.
3. Establishing career paths is often important for both partners before committing to a relationship. This, in turn, may be part of what Fisher calls the extended courtship period. It can be a healthy thing as it allows potential partners to help establish their individuality.
If you are stuck with trying to date or find a relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out for help from a skilled relationship therapist.
Clearly, the data shows that couples are spending more time courting before making a true commitment to one another. This can help couples better understand each other and decide whether or not they are truly right for each other. However, for those who are struggling with dating and relationships, singles counseling is often beneficial.
