Couples, of course, frequently hear about the need for date night and spending one-on-one time together. There’s no question that spending quality time with your partner is beneficial for your relationship. In fact, research has found that engaging in more novel activities in your relationship can reignite the spark between the two of you. There are several things that partners can do to enhance the quality of their relationship. This includes actively working on becoming more skilled communicators in addition to finding ways to become more emotionally connected.
The Decline in Socializing Between Couples
One aspect of relationships that is talked about much less is the phenomenon of socializing with other couples. From 1975-2003 the amount of time that couples have spent socializing with each other has declined sharply. Alexandra Solomon, a Northwestern University professor, has found in her research that married couples spend less time with friends and relatives as compared to unmarried people.
Two other researchers, Kathy Deal and Jeffery Grief, wrote a book together entitled 2+2: Couples and the Couple. In preparation for their book, they studied what, if any benefits couples experienced from socializing with other couples. They interviewed 123 couples in addition to 122 other relationship partners and categorized them by their level of interest in seeking out other couples. These people fell into three categories:
Seekers: The most extroverted out of the three categories, they want to meet other couples and make new couple friendships.
Keepers: These people are happy with having the friends they do have but are open to forming new friendships as well.
Nesters: Refers to couples who typically are introverted and prefer maintaining the small circle of friends that they already have. They don’t seek out new couple friendships.
Differences within Couples
There can also be differences within couples when it comes to wanting to socialize. One partner may be more extroverted, by nature, while the other is more introverted. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, there’s very little chance you are going to be exactly identical to your partner (and that might not be a good thing anyway). This is where finding a workable compromise between both of you becomes especially important.
Research Conclusions
The conclusions from the research suggested that couples that do enjoy themselves in the company of other couples, experience greater relationship satisfaction. Indeed, seeing your partner interact with other adults can make them appear more attractive and appealing. If people see their partner interacting with others, it gives them a broader perspective of their partner. One that they might never witness when they are socializing one on one.
Kathy Deal goes further by saying that having friendships with other couples provides another perk. They serve as a gauge for our own relationships. After interacting with another couple, you and your partner can discuss later on what you liked and didn’t like about them.
What are behaviors that you would want to copy, and those that you would want to avoid? For example, being able to observe them when they are not treating each other respectfully, allows you to jointly decide not to treat each other that way. In addition, other research finds that a couple of friends can even help ignite the passion in your relationship.
How to Strengthen Your Relationship
Prioritizing a couple of friends alone cannot transform a damaged relationship into a blissful one. However, developing and maintaining these couple friends while you’re in a solid relationship can absolutely help enhance it. Here are four suggestions on how to do this:
1. Start with prioritizing the relationship for both of you by ensuring a high level of emotional connection with your partner.
2. Set up regular one-on-one activities, such as date nights. Preferably, choose outings that are new and mutually appealing.
3. Identify each partner’s preferences: Are you a Seeker, Keeper, or Nester?
4. Find a compromise if needed after Step 3 and start to build friendships with other couples.
If you and your partner continue to struggle to balance an appropriate amount of socializing and a high level of satisfaction in your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek out couples counseling.
